College is driving me crazy.
I’m not even in college.
Heck, I’m not even slightly close to applying.
However, I’m getting at least 3 emails a day from multiple campuses. Each email starts out with a “Dear Callista,” and for every “Dear Callista,” I want to cry. Sometimes scream. Maybe even pull my hair out.
To be honest, I love knowing that colleges offer multiple pathways to choose the right career for me. I feel like I know what I want to do with my life and if I end up changing my mind, I’ll be okay. In the end, I will find what makes me happy. I can discover what I enjoy and how to use my talents. If what I’ve chosen to do now is not what the future holds for me, I am willing to change. I will be ready for change.
Just not right now.
These accepting universities and scholarship applications are wonderful and all but it’s stressing me out. More “Dear Callista,”s means more universities. Which means more find-your-career pathways. Which means life-changing decisions. Which means schedule-changing and career planning. Which means scholarship searching. Which means applying to colleges. Which also means real jobs and internships. Which leads to actual college. Real life. Taxes and bills and debt and loans. It can mean having roommates who might not like you or professors who drive you crazy. This means frustration and finals. It means pizza and ramen.
I have this idea about college :
College is just the beginning. It’s the end of education and the beginning of really living. Some people say that “college either makes or breaks your future”. Sure, you can either party or study all day long. I’m not saying I won’t party. I’m definitely not saying I won’t study. What I’m saying is, college is where you discover your character. You discover your “group”. You start to find home in lovely people and good things. As soon as you see, taste, or smell coffee, your heart explodes like it’s Christmas. Your roommate becomes your soulmate–the one you can tell everything. You can talk to her about life and death and God during 3 am ramblings. I feel like real, college life will be bittersweet and compelling. I also feel that real life is demanding and beautiful. I could be totally wrong on this whole college life thing. Maybe it’s not so dreamy as I imagine. Maybe it’s not as painful as I expect it to be. Whatever it is, I wish to wait and see. I want it to be a spoiler-free surprise. I want to experience all that college has to offer me–when I’m ready. Just not today. Just not through emails and websites.
Maybe I’m not ready for this yet. Sophomore year will soon become a blur and next fall, we’ll be seniors. Class of 2017. After that, it’s real life. And it will be tough. And heart wrenching. And all together, a pain in the butt. But I’m not quite ready. So, excuse me as I clean out my inbox. I’ll read those letters sometime. Just not today.